Life lately...via my camera phone

The fact that these are all from my phone's camera..
is proof that we are busy. but lately...busy babies are happy babies :) sophia has so much energy...I need to get her out n about...and sienna is wanting to keep up with sophia, this girl is trouble. haha. she is way more of  busy bee than sophia was..she's going to be a leader haha. that's what we keep saying. she wants to try everything out. and she's a bit fiesty..if she see's something she probably shouldn't do..she looks at us..then does it. ;) we keep joking how when the girls are older...we can picture sienna leading sophia into a lot of trouble..having sophia come ask us for persmission for things because she isn't as "wild"..haha. 

Sienna is extra snuggly right now. which I LOVE. 
In the morning we end up with both girls snuggling with us.. 
Sometimes the cuddle time comes a bittttt too early.. 
but that's ok. :)
This video is from after sienna's nap time. ignore the messy house.. it's usually SPOTLESS.............;)

I married a Phillie's Boy. 
thus we have phillie fan babies.

I would be wearing a phillie's shirt too..but it's maternity..and was dirty. ;)

Love taking them to the Pirates Games..the stadium is beautiful.. and the tickets are way more affordable! We have had seats up close..but this time we had them at the veryyyyyyy top. and it was PERFECT. there was an area for us to spread out.. and I could sit up there and nurse. The past game we went with all their cousins..and sophia loved it.

Busy Babies are Happy Babies...

We went to the library to pick out some new books.
Grabbed some lunch..
Headed to the Park for a picnic! The weather was perfect. Everything with shannon makes me want to slow down and focus on my girls more..do things like this more often. little adventures like this always end up being slightly exhausting..but totally worth it. 

EVERYTHING takes a lot longer with an almost 1 yr old and almost 3 yr old at your feet...or in a race car...
We have two little partners for our home renovation projects.
(ps. her roller was dry as a bone..shh i'll never tell.)

"Let's have a picnic!" is code for "You are wayyy too messy to sit anywhere else before bath and nap time....."

Sienna bites. 
and leaves 4 little cute marks.

I still cry almost every day over the cruel death of Shannon. I pray for her family. especially her mom who has to hold sweet emma when she cries for her mommy. It still seems unbelievable that it all happened. coming up on 3 weeks..and sometimes when I wake up I think it is just a bad dream. Amazing things are happening though through her life and death.. i've been getting so many e-mails from all of you encouraging me and giving me hope. sharing how her story touched you..inspired you..etc. Thank you for that. I think i'lll cry a little every day for a while..even if it's for 1 minute...but soon hopefully the cruelty of how se died will fade a bit out of my mind..and I can focus more on her life..the beautiful person that she was.

2 Weeks since losing Shannon

It's been 2 weeks since I lost my best friend, Shannon. 

What I'm struggling with the most right now, is how cruelly she was taken from us. 

Sometimes I wish I didn't know all the details..because my heart breaks for her just thinking about it. Every time an ambulance passes me while driving around I can't help but think to myself whyyy didn't anyone call 911?? I don't want to be angry..I don't want to be hateful. And I pray that I can have peace.. that I can love like Shannon loved. Love how Christ loves. I didn't even think about it until this happened...how INCREDIBLE Christ's mother Mary was..as she watched her Son being murdered. She is an example to me of forgiveness and love during this difficult time.

But one thing that amazes me about our Shannon is her huge heart..her forgiving heart. 

Last night as my husband and I prayed together before bed... I was praying for Shannon..for Emma and Peter...for her mom and dad..her siblings... and then the thought of her ex-bf came into my head.. the one who took her from me... and I had a moment where I didn't want to pray for him..but I know it was a grace from above and Shannon looking down on me.....and I prayed for him. and I prayed for his family. Even writing these words i'm like ahhhhh. such inner conflict.. but I know that Shannon would do that. She prayed for him through it all. I can feel my heart growing. and the growing pains are..painful.

I have been dreaming of Shannon a lot. some happy dreams..some scary. Last night was a happy one...we were all moving into a house together. her, my sister and another friend of ours. But the other night I had a horribly scary dream. and I woke up sobbing. Ben had to calm me down. My heart was just breaking.

I was having a hard moment this morning...and I went onto her memorial page on facebook.. it helps. And I saw that they had shared her brother's eulogy. His words were PERFECT. and just what I was needing to hear again this morning. Thank you Justin for putting in words the way so many of us viewed your beautiful sister.

"In times of tragedy, I believe the first question we try to ask is what. What happened? The second that follows as we try to make sense of the senseless is why. Why did this happen? Today, we are here to recognize who; who before us is this wonderful woman.

Shannon is the kindest and most gentle soul I have ever been privileged to know. Her generosity knows no bounds. Her compassion is mystifying endless. Her faith ran deeper than the roots of the mightiest mountains. Somehow, she is always willing to see the best in everyone. She has a smile that lightens  what ever may trouble your heart and spreads joy to all who are lucky enough to see it. These things brought her the adoration, affection, and admiration, of all who knew her.

Shannon is self sacrificing. Everything she did; she did for others. For years I thought for sure she would be a teacher. She always talked about it. When she went to school for nursing. We knew it was a perfect fit. She loves helping people. When they are happy, she is happy. I saw that most in the way she loved her children. She could come home and be so exhausted, but seeing the smiles on her children's faces and just taking care of them brought her joy. 

If there is one symbol for me that stands for who Shannon is, it would be a single red rose; Single, for her strong sense of independence and stubborn will to make a life on her own terms. Red for her passion and love that she felt for all. And a rose for the beauty forever cherished and desired by all.

She is love. She loved us all here more than she could ever tell us. Family is so important to Shannon. It is her strength, her support. She lies here today because of hate, but she lives in our hearts because of love. She would not want us to hold on to that anger, that poison that scars the soul, but to instead hold on to love because only love can heal the wounds of the soul. Only love can bring a brighter tomorrow. Shannon knew this. She lived this.

Shannon is my sister and I love her." - Justin Lawrence

rose

Please donate. help Shannon's parents not have to worry about sweet little Emma and Peter..they have enough on their hearts than to worry financially.
God Bless you and your loved ones.

To read all posts related to Shannon you can click here.

Please share her story..donate if you can.

If you have been touched by her story and would like to 

visit her Memorial Page you can visit here. 

Please Pray for peace in our world 

and for all those affected by Domestic Violence.

Summer, you snuck up on us!

Summer has snuck up on us!

Suddenly kids are walking around during the day?!?

In my mind I'm like they should be in school! ;)

The $5 baby pool from Target is a hit right now..

and so are summer dresses.. like the $17 H&M one I'm wearing below..
Shoes are from Target. I have the same pair in black.
I can RUN in these shoes. and I'm taller in them. which is nice.)

loving family time. and snuggles on the couch. and play time outside.

We walk outside..and this is what we see. Thankfully the mama bird has left..her babies have grow and flew away. Grilling outside is a bit stressfull when you have a protective mama bird charging at you. Ben would grill and I would face the nest with a tennis racket just in case it attacked him. that's what you call intense grilling. after 2 times of that we just gave up until they moved out. ;) And the bunnies..they have no fear. they hop around us while we play. it's crazy. sophia calls them the easter bunny.

But we don't have too much time to relax..because we are moving out of our rental in 1 MONTH. and into a new place.
So we are busy de-cluttering and packing! 
**Girls dresses are from Target**


here is our attempt at a family photo.

ps. I'm cutting back on custom orders in my shop for the summer to focus on family..moving/reno..I'm still open and send me over any ideas you have but it all depends on the amount of time/your deadline
AND I'm focusing on a new business venture......... 
SOOO EXCITING. I can't wait to give you all the details soon. 
You are gonna FLIP. (in an oh my gosh that is awesome kinda way. ;)

Happy Father's Day! to my 2 favorite Dads..

A brief lovey post to celebrate 
the two Fathers in my life....

My dad.
and Ben. my baby daddy.

I love you dad.

you are an amazing faith filled example to me. 

It's even more fun seeing you being a grandpop to my girls!

I wish we lived closer so we could see you more often..but I am thankful for the visits we get! 

Thank you for all the sacrifices you made for me and our family..thank you for teaching me about my faith and encouraging and motivating me to go deeper.

I love you..even though you have and will always turn off all the lights around you when you go up to bed...even if we are all up talking. I love you even though you would routinely plan to have the carpets cleaned or dentist appointments for everyone when we would have family in town (mom always loved that ;) You took care and provided for us selflessly...you opened the world up to us giving us so many amazing opportunities and experiences.

I love you dad! you are a blessing to me. and I admire you so much.

left: us open -  right: meeting mother teresa

Ben..Happy 3rd Father's Day! 

I love you...you are amazing with the girls..

and it makes me so happy seeing you with them.

 I love when you take them over to Church..and pray with them.

I love how you let me sleep in and you watch them in the morning..even the mornings when you just trap them in the same room as you and fall asleep on the couch. ;)

I love how you give me a kiss and hug in front of them..which makes them come over and hug our legs. I love how you drive them around just to give me a break. I love how you dress them up in philly's gear. I love how you take sophia to the store in her tinker bell costume.

I love how you change diapers like a pro. I love how you rock the bjorn. HOTtie. and I love how you are patient and loving to your girls.. they love you so much...and so do I.
you have been such a source of strength and encouragement especially during this hard time. You take such great care of us.. you are amazing. xoxo

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend.. 
Happy Father's Day! 

My Shannon-Encouraging & Inspiring me from Above

I try to blog about what is current and relative to me.. and with losing Shannon so tragically this past week..that is what I have been wanting to share. I've always written while going through hard times..this by far the biggest struggle I have faced yet. It has been very helpful for me...and I have been AMAZED by the love and prayers and support I have received from my family and friends and from the bloggy world! I have felt so much love..and  I have felt your prayers. Each day I have been receiving e-mails from women sharing their own experiences with facing a tragedy..with domestic violence.. with losing someone they love..the honest outpouring of your hearts has been so incredible and has helped me to heal more than you will ever know.

We are home now in pittsburgh..just flew in from Charlotte where I stayed with my family for a few days after the funeral in Atlanta. It was a bitter sweet time with them. I was so thankful to have them to lean on for support..to mourn with.. but at the same time Shannon was supposed to be there visiting with us during my visit down south. And being there, was a constant reminder of how she was gone. The little cousins played together..and their joy and smiles and crazy "we are exhausted and are now tormenting each other" moments were very helpful though in keeping me from being overwhelmed with the sadness. The cooking, baking, going to the pool and church were just what I needed during this time.

I am thankful for your prayers and like I've been telling many people.. now is the time for me to practice what I have professed to believe for the past 25 years of my life. That one day Christ will come and bring us to Himself. That this world is not our home. That we have a purpose to be here..He has a plan for us. We do not see the whole picture. We must only be open to hearing what that could be..and being His hands and feet in the time He gives us. I take my role as a mother very seriously...I am to get these girls to heaven..to teach them how to love..how to forgive. And this experience of losing Shannon..has made my heart grow..painfully grow!! And I hope that it helps me to be a better mother to them. I believe in Heaven...but I just now realized, that once you lose someone who you are really close too..when you picture them there..to me that is when heaven seemed the most real. And when you think about how we don't know how long we will be on this earth..it makes you want to seize the day!! to do everything in your power to love those around you..let them know they are loved! even the random grouchy grocery clerk "helping" you...or the fellow mommy at the play ground who looks...tired. I know i'm going to be sad for a while...but I also want to be filled with joy and use the reminder of shannon's contagious joy to be a kind friend to those that I meet. I know i'm rambling...i'm known for that....just try talking to me in person..the hands are flying when I talk! at least you are at a safe distance right now. ;) I guess all I want to say....is that I can already feel how Shannon is encouraging and inspiring me from above. and I always pictured myself a good woman..but I want to be more than a good woman. good women are boring!! I want to be a holy woman! and set my eyes on something more than what this world has to offer...aim for heaven! and to use every to do list duty of the day and little struggle I might encounter...to love. 
love more than I thought I could before..

to love like shannon loved.

The other day I was thinking about my blog..and asked ben..where do I go from here?? I couldn't even think about blogging about anything..it all seemed so un-important..but ben encouraged me...and helped me to realize that on this blog I celebrate motherhood....all that it entails.. the good the bad (the stinky..) And I want to continue that. I will always think of Shannon as a beautiful example of a mother! It will take time to heal...and I will use this blog to keep her story and life alive. On my sidebar you will see her photo..so that any random person that comes to my blog..may read her story...and be touched by her amazing heart and beauty that came from the inside out. Maybe they will be inspired to get involved with preventing Domestic Violence..or Donate to help her babies emma and peter.

To read all posts related to Shannon you can click here.
Please share her story..donate if you can.
If you have been touched by her story and would like to 
visit her Memorial Page you can visit here. 


Please Pray for peace in our world 
and for all those affected by Domestic Violence.

My Best Friend's Funeral - A Victim of Domestic Violence

(UPDATED DETAILS CAN BE FOUND
 HERE IN THIS POST. - JULY14, 2011)

I've been wanting to write about this past week...
about the Funeral for my best friend, Shannon. 
She was like a sister to me. 
But I've been at a loss for words. 
My heart was too heavy to even attempt to write...
and I also just didn't want to at the same time...

the reality sets in when you write something out...and see the words together. I suppose I wasn't ready yet for it all to seem so real.

I didn't want to write certain words when I first found out. 
I didn't want to write her name in past tense. I didn't want to write murdered or shot.
 I didn't want to write how she had died..any of the horrific details that seemed out of a horrible movie that I would never go and see.


But last night I kept thinking how Shannon would want me to live...
and everything she did, she did deeply. 
She loved deeply. She felt happiness deeply. 
She loved her God and faith deeply. She forgave deeply.
I want to be like her...
I want others to know about shannon
 and her story.....
-The system failed her...
and I pray that her story makes people aware of the incredible flaws in our system and motivates them to make a change! a change to save lives that would otherwise be lost to domestic violence.
-I write this to make people aware of the victims so close to us..1 in 3 women are affected by Domestic Violence. I pray that more of us would reach out to help..
-I write this that people would join me in praying for peace in our communities, our families, ourselves and our world. 
- I write this for healing..for myself and for all mourning the loss of our beautiful Shannon.
- I write this for strength to forgive.
............................................................................................................................................................

On Jan. 31, Shannon Lawrence asked the Forsyth County Superior Court for a temporary protective order against Christopher Erdman, her ex-boyfriend and father of her two children.
As part of that petition, which was granted but later dismissed, she typed the words on page 3 of the PDF.

An article from examiner.com...

"A man was arrested Sunday after police said he shot the mother of his two children four times during a custody swap, then drove all three to his father’s house in Cumming. Mr. Christopher Erdman, 25, of Cumming, was in the Fulton County jail Monday charged with murder in the death of Ms. Shannon Lawrence, 25, of Canton,  Milton police Capt. Shawn McCarty said. Ms. Lawrence was shot about 2 p.m. while her two children, 2 and 9-months-old, waited nearby, Capt. McCarty said.  It was supposed to be a routine custody swap, something they did almost every other week. But investigators said Mr. Erdman changed the place where they normally meet to a shopping center across the street on Birmingham Highway. No one reportedly witnessed the man and woman arguing in the parking lot at 15780 Birmingham Hwy., and police don’t know why they were arguing. Then the man pulled out a gun, shooting the woman twice in the face and twice in the body, Capt. McCarty said. Investigators said Mr. Erdman placed the woman into his pickup truck along with his two children and drove 10 miles to his father’s house in Cumming. The children were left with a grandparent and Mr. Erdman’s father drove his son’s truck to  Northside Hospital-Forsyth, about three miles away. Police weren’t sure how long Ms. Lawrence was dead before the three got to the hospital. Hospital staff called police who arrested Mr. Erdman shortly after 3 p.m. Police later found the gun they believe was used in the shooting at Mr. Erdman’s father’s house, Capt. McCarty said. He did not readily know the type of gun used. The two children have been placed with relatives until the state decides who should get custody. Ms. Lawrence's mother, Ms. Diana Macksey, said her daughter was attending Kennesaw State University and planned to enter the school's nursing program. Ms. Macksey told WSB-TV that Ms. Lawrence had a protective order against Mr. Erdman and the child custody exchanges were supposed to be supervised. She told the station that Ms. Lawrence and Mr. Erdman had planned to meet in a Publix parking lot, but at the last minute, he changed the location to a more secluded lot at the Wells Fargo bank in the shopping center. Capt. McCarty confirmed the last-minute change, but said he did not know why it was made. "Typically, they met at another shopping center across the street," Capt. McCarty said. But, investigators can't say if the shooting was planned. Ms. Macksey described her daughter as "the most beautiful, kind, loving soul." (Kimathi Lewis of www.examiner.com)

The executive director of the Cherokee Family Violence Center, Meg Rogers, pored over the court files of Shannon Lawrence..... ""We could not have asked for anybody to have done more than what it looks like she did. This woman was really let down by the system." The death of Lawrence–one of several deadly incidents blamed on domestic violence across metro Atlanta this past weekend–has prompted the Cherokee Family Violence Center to call for a discussion with judges, prosecutors and law enforcement about ways to better protect victims of domestic violence." - Three Fridays ago, Lawrence told the Cherokee County Superior Court that she feared for her safety. Under the protective order, the consequences are more severe and Erdman would have been arrested for aggravated stalking. But with the consent restraining order, Erdman was just summoned to appear before Cherokee County Superior Court Judge Anthony Baker on June 15 – next Wednesday. It wasn't the only missed opportunity authorities had to protect Lawrence, Rogers said. Baker gave Erdman, who served Lawrence with paternity papers in January, "liberal" visitation with the couple's children on the same day the consent restraining order went into effect. "I mean this man, according to Shannon’s petition, was sending a 100 emails, stalking her, violating orders, had access to guns, had a concealed weapons permit," Roger said. "We certainly want to look at our protocol in Cherokee County, at the way abusers can use the judicial system to gain access to victims." "Where I see where the system really confused this issue is treating this just like any normal civil case," she said. "Almost ignoring the domestic violence and the stalking."" - Rodney Thrash canton-ga.patch.com


My prayer is that changes will be made to protect innocent life from the effects of Domestic Violence. And it is without a doubt in our minds that Shannon has forgiven Chris. Two days before this happened she told a friend that she had been praying for him..that we should all pray for him. One of the most amazing things about Shannon... even with all of the struggles with Chris, she never once talked to me about him with hate..maybe fear..but she was more focused on being a protective mother..not being a woman filled with hate. She, incredibly, could see the good even in Chris till the very end. She had the most incredible heart...everything she ever did she did for others..even up to the last moment of her life..picking them up there, she gave her life for those kids.

Hundreds of us were at Shannon's Funeral. People overflowed the 700-seat Church. It was filled with people young and old who loved and were loved by shannon.
photos by canton-ga.patch.com


It was very emotional. even the priest had trouble keeping from crying. The Priest (Shannon's Pastor) spoke beautifully and shared with us in our sadness. "Today," he told the crowd, "we say goodbye, for now...." "In all my years as a priest, I’ve never known anything as horrific as this," "No words can express our deep sadness for the tragic loss of Shannon." He addressed the questions so many of us were thinking... Why did God allow this to happen? Where was God when this happened? He was right there...in Shannon. I'm sad for the dreams we had dreamt together that will never happen. But even with her gone she is going to change the world. Her dreams will live on through her two babies. The music during the funeral was so beautiful..it sounded like heaven..it made me think of her there. and even though that made me happy..it made me cry. The photos of shannon from our wedding were enlarged and used at her visitation and funeral....i'm so glad we have them. It makes me smile remembering how much fun we all were having together. Walking into the Funeral Home for the visitation, I was sick to my stomache...overwhelmed with grief. I wanted to run in and at the same time could barely get out of the car. Before going to the funeral...I could only picture shannon hurting and in the back of the truck. I couldn't get that image out of my head.. but during the funeral and burial..I was able to realize that that is where her body was..but SHE was not there. she was somewhere far better...at peace. happy. Christ kept his promise, and came to take her to Himself. and that gave me so much consolation. During the Funeral Mass..we prayed the Our Father..and in that prayer you say "and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.." I thought about not saying those words...but then I remembered shannon's amazing heart..and how she would forgive..and I cried and said the prayer.." I thought going to the funeral, I would do my best to console her parents..but in reality they were the ones who consoled me. their faith was amazing to witness. I had brought each of her parents a small album of photos and the cd of the originals. Her mother looked at the photo of her daughter's hands and cried with a smile "I don't have a photo of her hands..." My heart breaks for them..and I will continue to pray for them every day. That all who love and miss her will feel God's healing love and our angel shannon's presence.
Please join me in praying for her family..
especially for her two little babies..emma and peter.
If you would like to make a donation to the children..click here. 
It would mean so much to me if you would give something..anything..

"She lies here today because of hate. 

She lives in our hearts because of love. 

Embrace love because only love can 

heal the hurt we feel today." - Justin Lawrence

I didn't want to leave her side..

and waited till the very end.

Rest in peace sweet Shannon.

I made a video this morning in honor of Shannon..
to remember her. to heal. to celebrate her.
I am horrible about checking voice mails...but the day after we lost shannon I was going through my messages and suddenly I heard her voice. I didn't even have a missed call from her! She had called me thursday to make plans.. she was going to drive to charlotte to see us when we came into town in a couple weeks..
 I am so thankful for the blessing of hearing her voice one last time...

(My mom took these at her Visitation..
and at first I couldn't bare to look..but now I cherish those last moments.)

I know i'll be sad for a while..

I haven't been sleeping much...didn't know the exact reasoning behind not sleeping... you would think I would want to sleep so I wouldn't think of losing her for that chunk of time. but the other morning I went back and took a nap for the first time since finding out.....

and when I woke up I realized why I hadn't wanted to sleep... 

I get a wierd sensation that it was all just a horrible dream and then realize, it wasn't.

I'm just trying to take it day by day..focus on my family.. love on them a little more. I know all the ways to view this tragic loss in my head..but letting it go to my heart is another thing. 

Does that make sense??

She was such a beautiful person..inside and out..

and I thank Jesus for the gift of Shannon Lawrence in my life.
You will be missed..but not forgotten. And I can't wait for the day that I get to see you again..but for now you will watch me from above and be my angel.

I have been searching high and low for 
this video of shannon from back in high school! 
I made this for her and all our friends 
as a Christmas Present back in 2003. 
I thought I would cry during it...
but my heart is just so happy that I have this to remember her.
it's a long video.. but minute 3:42 has our awesome-ly girly hand shake...
 SO HAPPY I have that on video..we were ridiculous. :) 
I love you shannon! we all love you. 
I will cherish these memories forever. 
shannon you will always be remembered.

To read all posts related to Shannon you can click here.
Please share her story..donate if you can.
If you have been touched by her story and would like to 
visit her Memorial Page you can visit here. 

Please Pray for peace in our world 
and for all those affected by Domestic Violence.