Today- Court day for the Murderer of my Best Friend

I had another post for today..

but this is on my heart.

Wishing I could be in atlanta with everyone in the courtroom. 

It's hard being so far away. 

I want to hug everyone..just be there strong together.

not feeling strong today on my own. crying at each update text my sister sends.

We love and miss you Shannon..Today I just feel so deeply everything that we felt since the day we lost you. you will forever be in our hearts. may we love like you loved..and have faith and forgiveness like you did.
You will forever be my best friend..my guardian angel. 

praying for healing..peace forgiveness and faith. 

I don't know what to feel today.. but trying to not feel hate.

and trying to be strong for my girls.
photo credits: cloud, note

One day I will be able to think back on shannon and not cry but be happy..but today i'm not feeling that strong. I don't even want to believe that I'm writing this about my best friend.. it's too sad. I find myself shaking my head "no" when I think about how she is gone..I know everything in my heart of how I should "deal" with this..but my heart is just so broken today. I just put sienna down for her nap...and as I was standing and swaying sienna back and forth.. singing twinkle twinkle..I just started crying as I sang..I'm so sad for Shannon's babies. And that Shannon could not hold them one more time.

Emma, you usually were the star of our conversations.. whenever i talked to your mommy it was about you and my sophia and how much we loved you sweeties! She will always be your guardian angel..loving you from above. I love you too. and I'll always be here for you.. with photos and videos and letters.. I will give them all to you..so you can see just how amazing your mommy was.

But In my heart I know that I am closer..we are all closer..to shannon up in Heaven. My mom just reminded me of that on the phone. I can talk to her whenever I want. She can work little miracles for us from above. She will be felt in the lives of her children..She has already touched so many lives and they will be able to see the amazing person that their mother was by the legacy she has left behind.

Dear Jesus, please give me peace..help me to remember the joyful beautiful person that shannon was..and not how she was cruelly taken from us. Bring peace to my heart and all of those who mourn her. Give us strength to forgive..help us to trust in You..

Shannon's dad recently sent me a message..and I told him how it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear at the time. I think that a lot of people need to hear this too..so I don't think he would mind if I shared.

"Natalie, seek Christ in the Eucharist for your healing; go to Adoration more often. Kneel in front of our Blessed Mother and ask her to hold you up. I feel your pain of this; I know how horrible it feels to think of how she died. I feel it every second of every day. It is the worst. But .... we must stay healed for our families. The Holy Spirit puts peace in us to help us heal. Pray and listen. It will happen. It doesn't mean you loved Shannon less to be in peace and less pain. It means you know her soul is secured in heaven; her main goal of this world. The pain we feel is ....well .... selfish at times, as it is what we wanted for ourselves with her, to witness the life and love that we loved to see from her. It is the greatest loss of all. Yet, her love is still here with us in each of us through the connected love of Jesus. The best we can do now is emulate what she did to emulate Christ's love to everyone. I love you for being so much for her in her life. She loved and admired you like the sister she didn't have."

please lift up prayers for all of us during this hard day. praying for peace in our hearts, strength to forgive and an increase in faith and hope.



If you would like to read details from 
the court room today you can read this article. 
very hard to read..
but I needed to know what was said.


To read all posts related to Shannon you can click here.

Please share her story..donate if you can.

If you have been touched by her story and would like to 

visit her Memorial Page you can visit here.

Please Pray for peace in our world 

and for all those affected by Domestic Violence.