Grieving..am I doing this right?

I keep writing..not sure if i'll hit the 

publish post button or not when i'm done....

Is there a right way to deal with this loss?? am I doing this right??

Should I feel sad and mad at the same time??

How long can I cry before I need to get it together...

Is it ok that i just want to scream..but nothing can come out?

All totally stupid questions. i know. and i don't even need an answer..

but I feel numb today. 

yesterday I cried until I thought I couldn't cry anymore..

and then i cried again. 

but today...i just feel completely foggy. i have been looking at photos of our fun times..trying to focus on the good..the gift she was. but i'm just not totally there yet.. i know i know i'm crazy right  it's only been over 24 hours I can't expect to automatically get it..but I am the person who wants to take care of someone else..not need to be taken care of..to feel so helpless. But this is where i'm going to grow...as a mom..as a woman... 

shannon is already working even more in my life even when she is not here!


This is the first loss of someone I cared for... and i'm just going through so many emotions that I wish on no one. I think the hardest part is that it was not an accident..it was a cruel act of violence. No one deserves to die so cruely. in the back of a pick up truck. i couldn't even write that before..it was just too horrible.. but knowing shannon..
she probably was offering any suffering up for her babies..
she was AMAZING.


Being a mom...

I feel like I have to pull it together and take care of my girls. 

Sophie has seen me cry..and my husband hug me... 

but I smile at her. And I tickle her. and hug her. 

and put on dress up clothes and act silly with her. 

(it's been a busy morning..haha.)

Sophia was looking at the post with me...i keep it up just to look at shannon ever so often.. and I told her with a smile..that's mommy...and shannon.. my friend... 

sophia lovesss "friends"..just the whole idea is so fun for her right now.

She loves the photo of us mommies with her and emma.

i love it too.

I'm hugging my girls and husband a little tighter today. 

going through the motions of cleaning the house and packing for the trip to atlanta for the funeral. we fly down tomorrow. I am known for cleaning when i'm emotional....and we are finishing renovations in our new place and moving when we get home..so i have plenty of things to clean right now. i'm finding ever so often just staying busy is helping to grieve.

we went to the park yesterday...and the girls and i sat in the grass while daddy played basketball. it was nice..but my mind kept going to shannon..

and I would just wipe the tear and smile for my babies.

I have had to console my husbands youth group teens many times in cases like this...

so i know all the "things to say"...

but it feels different when it is you who is experiencing this loss.

I am saddened for my loss of her in my life...

but joyful that she is in heaven now.

 safe. at peace. i keep trying to just imagine the people she is meeting there! 

and how she is now my guardian angel.





THANK YOU.

All of the messages I have been receiving mean so much to me..your prayers..your generosity in helping me get to the funeral.. I am BLOWN AWAY by your kindess.
And all of the prayers for her family and babies..oh my goodness her babies... 

your prayers are so important..they will be felt. so please do not stop! 

storm heaven with your prayers for her little ones. 

Shannon's mom said that they are home now with her..and that the oldest 
(sophia's age) seems to not know everything that had happened 
(even though they were there in the car when it happened. God bless their little hearts.)
Shannon Lawrence Memorial Fund

If you would like to contribute to her little babies

you can find more information here.
So many of you wonderful loving people have asked how you can help Shannon's children, and the family is awestruck by this outpouring of generosity for these two children and Shannon's memory. If you wish to contribute, simply click on the "Donate" button to make a secure donation through Paypal.

 

My husband and I were talking yesterday...and it's like experiencing this opens up a whole new world...domestic violence is all too common these days... I am going to join up with a non-profit somehow.. Shannon was brave enough to leave this man...stand up to him. The courts in my eyes failed her..but we must make sure this does not happen again. She is my inspiration to get involved..to help others experiencing the same difficulties. 
Her life could save a generation of children  who might have otherwise been effected by Domestic Violence.

1 in 3 women are effected
by domestic violence.....
yesterday I had over 3,000 page loads..
1000 by 10 am today.. many fellow mourners of our shannon.

 I pray for each one of you. 

I pray for those of you who are effected by this type of violence.. a friend of yours, a sister, an aunt, even you.

May you have peace in your life.. 

You have an angel in heaven praying for you too.

This article doesn't have the complete details..but it has the background information.. one of the news stories.


To read all posts related to Shannon you can click here.
Please share her story..donate if you can.
If you have been touched by her story and would like to 
visit her Memorial Page you can visit here. 

Please Pray for peace in our world 
and for all those affected by Domestic Violence.