It's different this time around without her...

I only have a minute.

I have one sick baby with daddy

and one wild thing grandma is chasing for me.

Luckily my mom is in town.. because I feel useless at times with how sick I am.

24-7 sick. I feel like I'm on a long bumpy car ride..

in the back seat.. and can't get out to get some fresh air.

It's worse than with the girls. combined.

But I can't help but think of how each pregnancy... I shared with Shannon.

We were on the same baby track!

We would commiserate the sickness..the I want to eat everything in sight..

the EXCITEDNESS!! sharing when the babies kicked or contraction

details when it came time.

I miss that. 

and sometimes I find myself struggling again with "him" even though I still include him in my prayers each night. I feel just confused. confused that someone could do something like he did to such a beautiful person. a person who loved him with all his faults even when she was getting away from him to protect herself and her children. who told everyone to forgive him. she saw the good in people even when no one else did. so I'm trying to be like that.. but its hard when I think about these moments and experiences we can't share anymore.

I've found myself going to text her.

or when the girls are down thinking Oh, I could call now I have a moment.

Saying a prayer for her help during these hard weeks..

and for blessings from above for this pregnancy and baby.

I miss you Shannon. Help me to be a good mama like you!